discomfort

I am in a coffee shop in Pomona, California. I still have at least a one-hour drive to my sister's home in Venice on the beach -- but the rush hour traffic is too rough. So I pulled off the freeway and found this espresso place. I'm having a very good double latte skim milk. I wish the bathroom wasn't broken because I need to pee really badly.

Also, continuing with physical comfort, I was unable to shower or bathe last night. I chose to sleep at a very nice campground in the California desert, but it is the desert still and they had no shower facilities. Instead, I took a cold wet towel bath in the chilly air last evening. This is done by pouring water on one end of a large towel -- stripping to the waist, and then rub,rub, rub -- using the dry end of the towel for drying off.

That kind of quick bath works -- at least it helped me to sleep comfortably, but this morning, I am feeling funky-nasty and unshaved.

Continuing along these lines -- I can shave, because of my strong cordless electric shaver, and I will do that after I finish this latte. I will shave while standing around my car and then peeking into the sideview mirror to see if I got all the whiskers.

Shaving usually makes me feel like less of a road-bum -- which is what I am, after three days driving from Texas

Total Wuss

I was in the pit of despair at the thought of leaving Texas and my daughter yesterday morning. About two hours after I got on the road, I began to feel wonderful. Everything is fresh and new -- now that I am actually in it.

I drove to Seminole Canyon by the Rio Grande and slept out under the stars last night -- it was like being near to heaven -- there are no city lights in this far west place, so you can see the Milky Way -- even the soft shimmering part with thousands of stars.

Leaving Texas

I'm leaving Texas today after one year and a half. I'm going to miss my daughter a lot, and I will miss Texas a little. I am driving to Los Angeles to stay with my brother and sister. I will be glad to see them, and I do like LA quite a bit, especially the beach and the wonderful waves -- even this time of year.

Later, in April I will go back to the Skagit Valley and see my friends.

I'm tired of everything -- struggling, fixing, moving, learning, relating, driving, walking, eating, reading, making appointments, staying informed, bathing, -- I'm tired of everything.

What's the point of going from one place to another? Nothing ever happens anyway. Mainly I wish that I hadn't sold my home in LaConner three years ago. I never was one to wallow in regrets, but I am kicking myself now.

I thought, at the time, that if I sold my house, my life would get better -- I would get shut of my ex-wife and I would just go someplace else and start over.

But that didn't work. There is no starting over. It just keeps going on. It was hard for me after the divorce, with the kids gone, living in an empty house. But I should have stayed there -- I ended up living in an empty apartment anyway.

I should have kept the house. I was bound to suffer. I suffered anyway -- and now I don't even have the house.

No particular place to go. Today, I just throw my things into the car and drive someplace else. It doesn't really matter. I hate it.