Friday in San Antonio

I took the day off from the newspaper. I drove into San Antonio. I'm at a coffee shop, sitting in a wingback chair next to a large window. I'm going to Whole Foods to buy brown rice and quinoa. I will probably go to Borders to look at magazines. I don't know too much about San Antonio -- there is a lot of cultural variety here, but I'm not plugged in to anything. I don't have a plan, but to drive, wandering aimlessly around town and see what I see.

CAR NAPS. I like to park my car in the shade, tilt back the seat, and take a car nap. I do it all the time.

I had a great phone chat with an old friend in LaConner last night. We talked for one hour. The topic: anxiety. She has a lot of experience with anxiety, but it's a new thing for me. Any way, we shared experiences, analyzed our respective situations, and shared coping strategies.

My old standard emotional states were: anger and depression. I did that for years. First depression, then anger, then depression again -- the old reliables.

It's curious to me why I hardly get angry at all anymore, but instead I have developed anxiety. They are both completely fear-based emotions. It could be that I'm too old to waste the energy to be angry, so instead of responding to fear by a vigorous display of anger, I simply quiver and quake.

This is a good development, going from anger to anxiety -- it's more direct.

So, what am I afraid of?