My ex-wife

My ex-wife was really mad at me for writing something about her two months ago. She called me up and cursed at me. I didn't hear from her for several weeks, but then she called again, very nicely, and said don't write anything about her anymore.

I have two responses to that. One, is that I can hardly tell my story without her being in it, and two -- the thing I wrote about her is by far the single thing that would most embarrass her -- so the worst is over. What I wrote about was the one secret of hers that I still kept, and I felt like I didn't need to keep it anymore. Nothing else I know about her is a secret, so I think it's okay.

However, a pseudonym might be a good thing at this point. The best one is the "African Woman," or else "Betty" or "Elizabeth."

I miss her a lot. People, including myself, thought I was crazy to marry her. She ruined my life, cost me all my money -- but she was so incredibly beautiful, so very, very beautiful, I just couldn't help it -- she could talk me into anything.