Watermelons are supposed to have seeds

Watermelons are supposed to have seeds. The color scheme is a perfection of nature, from the green of the rind, to the white of the inner rind, to the red of the meat, and then the essence -- the black seed.

The green synmbolizes life. The White stands for purity. The red is our carnal nature and what is substantial, and Black of the seed is the most important color of all, for it is the key. Black for death, because it all comes to an end, but Black also for the fertility of the earth, and the black seed will grow and make more watermelons.

Seeing the seed, spitting it out, or picking it out with finger or fork, or watching it slide in watermelon juice across the kitchen table -- now that's a melon.

Eating a watermelon is about getting INVOLVED, you gotta tuck in and be one with the juicy abundance of America's biggest and most luscious fruit.

And so, I speak with rare authority and finality, but a seedless watermelon is an abomination. It marks the corruption and convenience of American life -- the squandering of important resources to produce a sterile (seedless) phony version of the real thing. You wanna know what's wrong with this country? I'll tell you -- seedless watermelonds.