The Billionaire and the Bureaucrat

The Billionaire and the Bureaucrat

By Fred Owens

It's easy to think like Donald Trump. You can just say stuff like this, "Megyn Kelly is nobody without me. She owes me big time. I made her famous. She will make millions thanks to me. I put her on the map. That's how good I am. I even help people I don't like, and you know I don't like Megyn Kelly."

That's how Trump thinks. Millions of people who never heard of Megyn Kelly know who she is now. She is the darling of the glitterati. She was on the cover of Vanity Fair, and all because of Donald Trump.

"But is she grateful? I mean, c'mon, without me she's nothing, a lightweight, as I have said, and I'm trying to be polite here."

I am just saying -- this is me, Fred Owens talking now -- I am just saying that it's really easy to channel Trump and make up stuff the way he does, because I only need to know the stuff that I already know and I don't have to look it up. Trump makes my life easier, he's not a lot of work.

I know he doesn't make sense half the time  -- so he's just like me. People laugh at me because I don't make sense, and they laugh at Donald Trump because he is very clumsy with words.

Of course he has a jet and I don't, but otherwise we are a lot the same. He's a regular guy, with a regular name, Donald. I have friends named Donald.... And he's from Queens. Queens is like a normal place. Everybody knows about Queens. I was there once myself.

But take the President, have you ever met anybody named Barack? Not me. Everybody I know is called Phil, or Larry, or Bob.

And where is Obama from -- Hawaii? which is barely in the United States, or  is he from Indonesia or Kenya? We need to have a President who is from America.

Of course you could vote for Hillary. Now she's a normal woman, I have to admit that. You know what she is like . You sat next to someone like Hillary in high school and she always knew all the answers and she always did her homework on time. Hillary was smart all right, but did you like her? Did you want to go out with her? We're going to have a woman President someday. I'm all for that, but can't she be a little good-looking?

Or vote for Bernie. Bernie Sanders is all right. He's from Brooklyn which is just as good as Queens. And he's a Jew. That's a good thing. Some of my best friends are Jewish. They're funny people. I like them a lot. I dated a Jewish girl when I was in college. We could have even gotten married. I mean, it never came to that, but I had strong feelings about her and she was beautiful.

So Bernie is okay, except for being a socialist and a bureaucrat. He wants to make rules and regulations and have long meetings. Socialists make everything more complicated. They never get anything done. I would never hire a socialist to work for me. First off I would say cut the crap and get to the point. Make up your stupid mind or get out of here.

We can't have a socialist for President because America doesn't work that way. We don't like too many rules. We don't like people telling us what to do. But Bernie wants to be the boss. Sure, everything will be free -- but do you believe that? And people call me a hustler. It's Bernie who is the all around hustler. When he says it's free, better grab your wallet. Make America great again, vote for me, Donald Trump.

Blame Social Media for Trump. The whole process with Trump has been fascinating. Who let him in the living room? Trump is a creature of social media. Social media -- Facebook and Twitter -- are the dominant sources, they set the agenda. The old media like the New York Times and Fox News can only react. Social media rewards off-the-cuff emotional reaction which is pure Trump. Trump wears his emotions on his sleeve -- that's good isn't it? Aren't we supposed to share how we feel? Trump says how he feels and who he likes. There is no thought. You cannot debate a feeling. There is no way to disagree. You can only say how you feel and who you like on social media.

The Funeral of Joan Baez. She lay so peacefully in the glade of sycamores, in her boots of Spanish leather. Her dog was by her side, nuzzling her cold body with his weeping black nose. "I dreamed I saw Saint Augustine alive as you and me." Those were the dying words of our beloved singer. Mimi Farina, her younger sister,  sat vigil with Joan through the long night. Joan was knocking on heaven's door, and then in the quietest of dawn she slipped away. The dog whimpered. He knew. We all knew. The sycamores bowed in grief. Her spirit floated in the canyon for several days. It's like she was still here, they all said. But the storm came with violent winds blowing out to Ocean Bliss and we lost her.

All the old geezer rock stars are in a parade to the pearly gates, going one by one. Joan Baez  -- may she live a hundred years! -- has her appointed time as we all do and it will be all right.

Planting Trees. I have been planting trees in local gardens. We have had four inches of rain and the ground is soft and moist..... It's easy to dig a hole this time of year.

Today I was at Mary Ann's house and planted one hydrangea and one lemon tree. I put them both in pots on the patio. I expect the lemon tree will flourish for a year or two and then outgrow the pot -- we can deal with that later. And the same with the hydrangea, which will eventually need a bigger pot or placement in the ground.

Mary Ann has a good attitude about gardening. She will not blame me if things go wrong. Something always goes wrong, but you gotta fight the urge to blame somebody -- to blame me, or blame God, or blame the tyranny of nature. It's better to just accept your losses and keep going.

Take the two bay trees. Mary Ann planted them in the shade of the oak trees because she wanted the bay trees to serve as a screen..... But the bay trees did not flourish in such constant shade, so we will have to transplant them.

That's what the big farmers do. They are a lot smarter at growing things, but mainly they just keep trying out one idea or another until they find out something that works.

Any farmer will tell you that it's all about failure. Stuff breaks and plans don't plow. But you just keep going and if you work hard enough you might get lucky.

Mary Ann's lemon tree just might do very well on her patio with the little children playing and the pretty white lemon flowers blooming.

And we might get an abundance of rain in February.

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Fred Owens
1105 Veronica Springs RD
Santa Barbara, CA 93105

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Fred Owens
cell: 360-739-0214

My gardening blog is  Fred Owens

My writing blog is Frog Hospital