By Fred Owens
Suppose you're a cop in Charlottesville
Suppose
you're a cop in Charlottesville, twelve years on the force. You lived
here all your life, and you know half the people in town. You daily
experience is handling domestic disturbances, pinching shoplifters, and
hauling drunk college students to the hoosegow. You have never drawn or
fired your weapon on the job, although you are prepared to do that.
Comes
now the KKK to hold a rally in your quiet city of 47,000 -- some 500
seriously disturbed and dangerous young men looking for a fight. Comes
now the national media, some hundreds of pushy people pointing cameras
at you. Comes now the counter-demonstrators, some peaceful, some angry
and shouting, some wearing bandannas to cover their faces.
And all of these people -- the KKK, the media, and the counter protestors are from out of town. Nobody you know.
You're
a local cop used to dealing with local people. What you wish more than
anything is that these people would just leave, all of them.
But
your August vacation days were cancelled. No golf. No fishing. You have
to face down the mob, only how do you tell the good guys from the bad
guys?
Imagine yourself as a cop in Charlottesville, facing this situation. Would you know what to do?
Friendship in America
Much has been said about the
American family -- the family is the strength of our nation, the values of a
family are so very important, and we need to keep and cherish those values.
Not to defend or
define those values here, but to mention something equally important --
friendship.
Friendship is not
unique to America,
but we might compare our society to the undeveloped world where the extended
family is the norm, in Latin America or Africa where a man counts his relatives in the dozens --
large families that depend on and care for each other. In countries where the
government is often rapacious and confiscatory, where social services are
nonexistent, the extended family is the sole tool for survival. Care of the elderly falls on the children and
grandchildren -- there is no choice in that, and less virtue because there is
no choice.
The extended
family, this large and warm unit, is also the main source of corruption in
poorer countries. If you have a government post, and your cousin needs a job,
you will take care of him. If your business prospers, all your relatives will
line up with their hands out. It is your duty to care for them above others.
It’s not merit,
but relation, that allocates the rewards of society in those countries.
America is
different. We send our cousins Christmas cards, but we don’t expect to feed
them. Even a brother, applying for a position, would be subject to close scrutiny.
“Sure, if he’s qualified,” we would say, but not for a favor.
Blood is thicker
than water, and many of us would make a great sacrifice for our close kin, but
the sense of fairness, and of equality for all, is so strong here, that the
corruption of family ties is at a minimum.
What we have
instead is friendship -- smaller, nuclear families and a web of friendship that
unites and levels the country. Friendship is freedom. You choose your friends.
Friendship is responsibility, because the friends you choose are a reflection
on your character. Friendship is voluntary, even a long-standing friendship
must be earned from time to time in small or large ways.
We might do a
favor for a friend, or even surrender our lives, we might support them in
illness, or go their bail, but it is always because we choose to. That’s
freedom in America.
The family is good
and essential, but it has never been enough.
Shannon Moon is going to be a nurse, maybe
Shannon
was sitting at the dining room table scratching her head. I said what's up, and
she said I’m just trying to figure it all out…… Oh boy, do I know that feeling…..
You get overwhelmed, you can’t decide what is important. Everything matters.
Nothing matters. Shannon is a mid-thirties woman with a future -- I’m sure of that. She’s going to become a
nurse. I know she has continuous self-doubts about that, but she has completed
the science prerequisites – those boring courses in anatomy and organic
chemistry. Right now she is figuring out what nursing school is best for her.
The options for nursing school are
bewildering – that is clear. But what is just as clear is that Shannon will make
a good nurse. She has that combination of toughness and compassion.
A
good nurse wants to take care of people and wants to make a good living too. You
don’t want a bleeding heart who wants to sacrifice her life, and you don’t want
someone who just counts the dollars.
You
want a balanced person, with a strong heart and a strong mind. Being a nurse is
a tough job. If you can handle the stress and pressure, then you can make a
difference in the lives of the people you care for. And you will always have
work.
But
sitting there at the dining room table trying to figure it all out….. Nope,
doesn’t work. You make a decision, and you make a plan, and then life happens.
She
left our house in Santa Barbara and flew to Taos, New Mexico to do volunteer
work at the Lama Foundation. She will make up her mind about nursing school when she comes back in a few weeks.
Shannon
is my Laurie’s younger daughter.
*************
I
am learning to write in a new style that I picked up from the Norwegian author,
Karl Ove Knausgaard. He wrote a six-volume autobiographical novel called My
Struggle. I am reading Volume Four which is about his youth. In the story he has just turned
18 and left home for the first time to take a teaching job in a remote northern
village.
It’s
not that his life is so special or different. This is not a man who flies to
the moon and jousts with dragons. This is an ordinary man who writes about his
life and he makes it interesting.
That’s the trick, to make it interesting. I mean, I
already knew that, but I needed some re-enforcement for my writing. Everything
is interesting. The four remote controls on the coffee table in front of me are
interesting. The stack of firewood that has been sitting next to the fireplace
for several years -- there’s a story.
I'm
writing a book called The Quotidian which will have some of these
stories. And I will put excerpts in the Frog Hospital newsletter from
time to time.
thank you,
Fred
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