Saturday, January 28, 2006

Ultimate Frisbee

That's me, making a leaping catch for the frisbee -- not.

But I'm going for a game tomorrow morning (Sunday) up by San Marcos. I like to play frisbee, I just can't jump like that fellow in the photo, but I have my own graceful style. I am not a klutz.

I always carry a frisbee in the trunk of my car, just in case. I also carry two mitts and baseball in case someone wants to play catch.

Although we are getting off the topic -- I keep a lot of things in the trunk of my car: a tin whistle, several books. Right now I'm carrying Tolstoy's War and Peace, and an English-Hebrew pocket Torah -- these are both really heavy going, but in no way indicative of my current mood. It's just that -- what if you get stuck someplace -- well, I have a complete entertainment kit.

And tools -- jumper cable, 3/4 single bit axe, short-handled shovel, two LED flashlights, and one cop-style Maglite, two sleeping bags, and a small foam pad, a propane cook stove, several quarts of oil, socket set, various gardening tools, an electric sander, power drill, skill saw, circular saw, a tool box full of things -- like two pairs of Visegrips and such. I have rope, twine, wire. A rain coat, a wool hat. In the back seat of my car, I have few more things -- photos of the marriage to my second wife, a stapler, a scrub brush, masking tape, duct tape -- a few more things, but I'm in the house right now and I can't remember.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Ken Kesey

The first time I met Ken Kesey, it was in February, 1967. Mike Mikolas and I were hitchhiking from Toronto to San Francisco, by way of Mexico City. We were headed for the Haight-Ashbury because we had just dropped out of college.

Mark was very attached to a book called the "Art Of Loving" by Erich Fromm. For that reason Mark wanted to go to Mexico City, where Fromm was living at the time, and have conversation with the great man.

That's how we got to Texas, coming down from Toronto. Anyhow it was warm there and we had friends-of-friends who were students at Rice University, so we hung out there.

Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters, riding on their famous bus -- but it wasn't yet famous, and I had never heard of it or thought of it until I met the man himself -- Kesey and his gang, who had been invited by our student friends to make an appearance on campus.

It was quite an event or non-event -- you really had to be there. I don't want to bore everybody with this 60's crap.

I met Kesey twice after -- once when he was in Chicago, I think it was about 1976 or 77, and he came to see the King Tut exhibit. The 60's were over and Kesey was just a guy who lived on a farm in Oregon, only he had wide-ranging interests. And I had just gotten married, gotten a job, and my wife was with child. We were living in Evanston, a suburb just to the north Chicago. Kesey was a man of the West, and he said he would never have come to the Midwest, if it wasn't for King Tut.

The third time I met him -- I'm sure there was a third time, but I can't remember.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Robert Sund

Robert Sund was a poet who lived in the Skagit Valley -- a good friend of mine. Robert had a shack out on the Skagit River, a net shed up on pilings that he fixed up for a home. He got there by rowboat. One time, about 1980, he took me for a row in his boat around Ika Island, and then we went to his shack for tea and a lot of laughs. The shack is still there.


He died in the fall of 2001, shortly after the planes struck the Twin Towers in Manhattan. Robert was failing and in the hospital, but he knew about it from watching the television. I think he was glad he didn't have to deal with it.

The flu


It's my turn. I have the flu. This morning I felt like a dog got run over by a truck. I showed up for work at 8 a.m., but they didn't like what they saw. In spite of that I actually got something done -- wrote a business review and had it finished before the 10 a.m. staff meeting.

But that was it. I went home at 11 a.m. and went back to bed. By 5:30 p.m., after some good rest, I felt almost human again. At 6:30, I went to my evening photo assignment and performed in an acceptable manner. I even felt a little lively, so I walked three blocks to Squeak's, our local convenience store, and bought a 7UP. Ginger ale is the best for being sick, but 7UP is all right too.

O Canada

"Canada is the only nation on earth that takes moderation to an extreme." -- H.L. Mencken

Conservative Party Leader Steven Harper will become the new Prime Minister of Canada, after his party's victory over the Liberals in Monday's election. Paul Martin, the current Prime Minister and Liberal leader, will step down.

A national election -- eight weeks from start to finish and using paper ballots -- we should be so lucky here.

I went to college in Canada, from 1964 to 1969, at the University of Toronto, so I consider myself to be semi-Canadian, after five years' residence. However, I have not been to Canada since 1993 when I attended a college reunion, so I'm kind of rusty.

Just a brief comment on patriotism: Is it possible and is it good to love more than one country? Yes, it is possible, and it is good. If you have two or more children, don't you love them all?

But that's not quite fair. America is my home and comes first in my affection and loyalty, but Canada is a good neighbor and a place where I have been especially welcomed.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Baking Bread

I baked bread this evening after work. I started at 7 p.m., and I finished with four good loaves at 10:45. While the dough was rising I watched "High Fidelity" a second time. Then I like that song so much -- in the movie -- that I went to iTunes and bought the album -- "Dry the Rain" by the Beta Band. It's easy to listen to.

I sent an email to Aurielle. If you look on the lower left column of this page, you will find "Links" and under that it says Aurielle's blog, if you would like to read it. She writes personally about her life. She's shy and doesn't want attention, but she puts it on the Internet -- that's not terribly complicated.... I can understand that.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Ariel Sharon and George Bush

It is not really useful to compare Ariel Sharon and George Bush. First, they are superficially similar -- conservative, tough, inclined to make a military response. But let's look at this picture -- first of all, it's not fair to George Bush, because the camera lies. The camera is a tool wielded by human beings, and human beings tell lies.

In the image presented here, George Bush is puzzled, inquisitive, and respectful. He looks up to Ariel Sharon who is 18 years older.

The image of Ariel Sharon shows him to be calm, strong and substantial.

Sharon evacuated the Israeli settlements in Gaza this year despite a lifelong public commitment to continue their existence among the Palestinian population. Why did he do this? To be loved, to be popular, to be deemed peaceful? No, for none of those reasons. Sharon forced the evacuation of the Gaza settlements because he believed it was to the strategic advantage of Israel, and for no other reason.

Sharon's "change of heart," which was nothing of the kind, is the action of a man who has no attachment to his image, and had no attachment to a position that had become untenable. This is a kind of truth -- that a nation, Israel, exists and serves its own interests.

I would not say this of George Bush. He is not free of his own image, and he cannot take a detached view of his own position. This is not good. I don't know this man -- who he is or who he works for. Bush is far less substantial than Sharon. He looks at Sharon in this photo, but can he learn?

Saturday, January 21, 2006

JJTamales


I am sorry to have such a small picture, but it is the only one I could find. I actually bought bean & jalepeno tamales here today. I was driving up and down Culebra Rd. in south San Antonio, taking photos of the signs in front of the stores.

After cruising this road, JJTamales was my most careful choice. Tamales are different than other kinds of Mexican food -- they are much more important. You can get a good taco almost anywhere, but for tamales, to eat them and have good digestion, you really need to know somebody.

This is why I was so careful to choose JJTamales -- I could have made a mistake! Consquences that would effect my entire future! Even so, it was risky -- I don't know anybody at JJTamales. I was a stranger.

One dozen tamales, plus a small container of pico de gallo, cost $6.

However, because of the importance I attach to a personal connection in the pursuit of tamales, I placed a call to Mount Vernon, in the Skagit Valley, in Washington state, in order to reach my friend, Kathy Woelke, who is Hispanic, despite the fact that she does not speak Spanish. Kathy spent her earliest years in San Antonio. Her mother lives here, along with her sister Ruth.

Kathy told me that her two aunts, Betty & Bernice, own and operate B & B Tamales somewhere in San Antonio, but she couldn't say where. This would be the necessary tamale connection, but it was not available to me today.

Instead I found JJTamales. I bought tamales and ate them well.

Friday, January 20, 2006

High Fidelity



HIGH FIDELITY starring JOHN CUSACK.

This is the perfect lonely guy's movie.

It takes place in Chicago.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Moshe Holcer

He was my rabbi for five years when I lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and attended Beth Shalom, a Conservative synagogue, also known as the "Tremont Street Shul."

I'm not Jewish, so people sometimes asked my why I went to the shul so often. That's a good question, but a better question is this: Was it a good thing to do -- to devote so many years to a study and participation in Jewish life -- or was it a bad thing to do? The answer is clear -- it was a good thing to do. And so why I did it doesn't matter nearly as much. In fact, this is one of the things I learned from Rev Moshe. He was always glad to see me, but he never asked me why I came.

clarence ray allen


"It's a good day to die," he said, before he was executed at San Quentin prison in California at midnight last night.

This man deserved to die for his crimes. The judgment against him was sound, and we all ought to, quite seriously, judge each other's actions, but I would not execute this man, or any other. I am opposed to the death penalty, now legal in 38 states, including Texas, where I live.

Clarence Ray Allen is dead now. We will kill many more Americans today simply from carelessness, from a failure to pay attention, from meanness, from simple mistakes, or even from the best of intentions. Many more Americans will die today for God's own reason, and we will have no idea why they were taken unexpectedly. Others will die, after a long and good life, and that will make sense.

Isn't it good when it makes sense? Isn't it good when it seems fair and just? Isn't it our duty and daily struggle to make sense of things? Can we not develop our discernment between good and evil?

We are bound to make judgment and to say that this action was right and that action was wrong. But our ability to make judgment is always subject to human frailty and we ought to approach absolutes with humility.

It is possible to have a good and just society without the death penalty, and so I oppose it.

MICHELLE BACHELET

"The Chilean President-elect, Michelle Bachelet, has pledged to name a cabinet with an equal number of men and women." [BBC web page]

She will make a good president despite this faulty logic. An equal number of men and women in the cabinet? That is the right way to conduct a square dance, with four women and four men, but not a government.

I like her because she's pretty and has very good skin and a very cheerful smile. So, you say, I ought not to judge her by her looks, but by her character and the substance of her actions. Yes, this is right. But it is Ms. Bachelet who is conducting government like a square dance, so naturally I will choose the prettiest partner.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Archer City

I'm not sure that this is a good photo of Archer City, but it's the best I could find. Pictured is the Archer County Courthouse, looking across the wide main street, which is Texas Highway 79.

Archer City is about 20 miles south of Wichita Falls -- making it nearly 70 miles from Vernon -- talked about in previous posts.

Archer City has less than 2000 inhabitants. It is the home town of Larry McMurtry, the one he dramatized in his first big screenplay -- The Last Picture Show. As McMurtry told his Archer City neighbors again and again -- "The Last Picture show was a MOVIE!" and a work of fiction. Nevertheless the citizens of Archer City were highly incensed at the negative portrayal of their town in McMurtry's work.

Years passed, McMurtry wrote the screenplay for Terms of Endearment and wrote Lonesome Dove. He became wealthy. He moved back to Archer City and by this time, the locals people were glad to have him back.

McMurtry, who had been a book collector and seller before he became a successful author, began to buy a lot of books -- because he could afford to. By a lot, I mean close to 500,000 books which are now housed in four buildings in downtown Archer City. All for sale.

In fact, Archer City, out there in the high lonesome, has one of the biggest bookstores on the planet. [Powell's in Portland, Oregon, is the biggest independent bookstore in the country with 1.5 million volumes.]

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Map of Vernon, Texas


Although Vernon is nicely situated in a very spacious region, it is a little too close to Oklahoma for my taste. The Red River forms the boundary between Texas and Oklahoma, fifteen miles to the north of Vernon. The floodplain and river-course of the Red is rough and wild, strewn with cottonwood logs and roots, and muddy holes, and boiling water under flood. The Red River is strong, but not pretty.

The Sky

The sky in Vernon, Texas, is big. In fact, when you are there, you are standing in the sky; only you're feet are on the ground.

The culture of Vernon is trend-free. Trends, like a California rain storm, dry up as they come across the plains, leaving Vernon untouched. Vernon simply is.

Vernon is also the birthplace and hometown of Roy Orbison.

High and Dry

Vernon, Texas, is the county seat of Wilbarger County, located 56 miles west of Wichita Falls on U.S. Hwy 287, which continues on west to Amarillo, almost another 200 miles that way.

Farms and ranches: wheat, cotton, and cattle. Now suffering dry for lack of rain, and fear of wildfires in the tinder dry brush. But normally a dry climate, low humidity, sharp peaks of heat in June, July, and August, but cooling in September.

Altitude, 1200 feet. The population of Vernon is about 11,000 and has been in a slow decline, with an aging population. However, Vernon does not have the appearance of being down on its luck, or "seen better days."

The town presents a quiet and enduring strength, and I believe it has a future.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Vernon, Texas

I was in Vernon, Texas yesterday, some 350 miles northwest of Austin. Vernon is out in the plains, the Great Plains, the wheat fields, and the big sky. It is just 50 miles west of Wichita Falls.

No trees. No trees. I thought I would not like it.

But I was wrong. To see the earth unadorned, in plain view -- to see the true shape of our planet -- this infinitely lovely curve that shallow sophisticates call "flat" -- this was quite fine.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Oranges


Hay siempre mas naranjas.

There are always more oranges.

Mas Viejo y Mas Pobre

FALCON HEIGHTS, TEXAS – Falcon Heights is on the Rio Grande River, 150 miles upstream from Brownsville. Roma, the nearest town with a population of 5,000, was founded in the 1700s. Marlon Brando and Anthony Quinn starred in Viva Zapata, which was filmed in Roma, using the historic adobes and wrought-iron balconies for scenery. It is a poor town, purely Spanish, hard by Mexico, which has always spilled over the border.

I came to the Valley for several reasons relating to business, but I tell you honestly that those business reasons were only an excuse to spend some time here and breathe more easily than any place in Texas. I greeted my friend at the store in Roma. I had met him last year. He said, “Maestro, como estas?” I answered, “mas viejo y mas pobre,” and he laughed. In English this means “older and poorer.” In English it sound pathetic, like a man asking for pity. But in Spanish “mas viejo y mas pobre” is noble and tragic. It means “the story of my life has been squeezed like an orange to the last drop, and there is nothing left but a drying husk.” In fact, it is a proud thing to say, said of a man who loves life and holds nothing back, said of a man who embraces the bitterness of reality and death, said of a man you can trust.
Falcon Heights, 14 miles up the river from Roma, is known the world over for bird watching. Tropical birds come here to the northern edge of their territory and temperate birds come this far south. The migrating birds from farther north wander through as well. I saw colorful and unusual species at a feeding station by the river. Cardinals were abundant. The sweet brown female cardinal enflames the male into burning red brilliance. Roadrunners spear and eat unwary sparrows feeding on the ground. Raptors dive for fat morning doves. Orioles are so orange that they should name the fruit after the bird. The grackles come to the feeding station like a motorcycle gang and chase the daintier birds into the shrubbery. The bird watchers sit still with binoculars, cameras, and guidebooks, watching alertly, taking notes, and speaking quietly.

Native Americans and spiritual adventurers also come to this area -- not to Falcon Heights, but to secret places nearby -- to gather peyote buttons which grow under small bushes in hard, chalky soil. For that reason, Falcon Heights is known even in other worlds, which are fantastic, celestial, and ancient. But one doesn’t ask, bec
ause curiosity is dangerous.

In addition to the overlapping territories of birds and vision seekers, there is an international border which is real to humans; and it is uneasy. The mass migration of people, young and brown, continues silently every night, crossing the river in row boats, or wading in waist-high water, ghosting through dirt tracks, dropping water bottles and plastic food wrappers as evidence to the Border Patrol.

Where I’m camping these few days, I can see Mexico across the river and the bright lights of a Mexican town, also on the river, but facing north. I won’t go over there. I don’t want to leave America. I have my reasons. When the sun sets, I can see the jagged outline of the Sierra Madres more than 100 miles to the west. They must be towering mountains to be seen from here.

It’s quiet. Very few people come here. During the day I look with my eyes and see nature, and then I go into town and talk Spanish, but at night I read books of history and drama, which take me to other places and times. Does this seem disconnected? Should I be studying birding guides and reading works of Latin American culture, to give a foundation to my daily observations? Perhaps. If I learned by night what I had seen by day, that would be a good thing and a productive use of my time. But for reasons that are important to me, I need to make connections to distance realms, because I feel that it is my responsibility to hold the world together. This is very big for my ego, to have this job of holding the world together, and to be going from one human being to another, across long distances of miles and years, bringing messages of love and conflict. Don’t tell me I am wasting my time in foolishness, because I know this is the right thing for me to do.

I recall the scene in Viva Zapata, the night of Emiliano Zapata’s wedding, when he (played by Marlon Brando) enters the bedroom to fully know his wife, while the boisterous crowd of his followers serenades the couple from the streets below. He confesses to his bride that, although he is the general and leader of a thousand fighters, he cannot read. He says, “Teach me to read.”

That’s why I bring books with me when I am camping, because it is not enough to sleep on the ground and hug the earth, but because I can see the stars and the moon while I lie in my sleeping bag and I can feel the wind drifting. My spirit wants to go where the wind goes. Some more natural man might be content to know one place and to be rooted there, but that is not me.

I read “Mistress to an Age” by J. Christophe Herold, a biography of Madame de Stael, who was an important figure in the history of the French Revolution and the rise and fall of Napoleon Bonaparte. Madame de Stael hosted a salon in Paris during those years, and it was said that most of the cabinet members, financiers, and leading thinkers of the day could be found at her mansion in the evening. Napoleon found her a threat and had her banished, but she replied, “All I do is hold conversations. I say what I think, and I write what I think. Why does this powerful man fear me?” But he was right to fear her, because her words lead to his downfall.

I read “A Farewell to Arms” by Ernest Hemingway, his tale of World War I on the Italian front, taken from his experience as a volunteer ambulance driver in that conflict. It is not his fault that some of his very best sentences have become embarrassing clichés.

These words still ring: “…and I had seen nothing sacred, and the things that were glorious had no glory and the sacrifices were like the stockyards at Chicago if nothing was done with the meat except to bury it. There were many words that you could not stand to hear and finally only the names of places had dignity. Abstract words such as glory, honor, and courage were obscene beside the concrete names of villages, the numbers of roads, the numbers of regiments and the dates.”

I will be going back to town in a few days, but I leave you with another Spanish saying. Hay siempre mas naranjas, which means, “There are always more oranges.”
Peace,

Fred Owens
360-739-0214
email: froghospital911@gmail.com
blog: froghospital911.blogspot.com

Thursday, December 29, 2005

ER


I interveiwed a plastic surgeon today, and he showed me slides of his work in reconstructive surgery. I saw a photo of a man who got his nose bit off in a fight, and then how the Dr. sliced out a piece of skin from the man's forehead, and flipped it down over the stump of a nose and, over several operations, constructed a new nose.

Many photos -- severed hands, faces ravished from skin cancer -- for him, these were challenges, something he could do, something he could make better -- a craftsman, an artist, a pretty good guy. He also does nose jobs and breast enhancements.

Gruesome photos, but when I saw it with his eyes....

Coincedentally I'm watching ER on the television.

The Lion of East Cambridge

Harvey Blume lives in Brooklyn now, but I knew him when we both lived in Cambridge -- he on the east side and I on the west side. We met at the Sunday morning Tikkun discussion group, an offshoot of the magazine, a salon of articulate Jewish intellectuals discussing progressive issues.

[What was I doing there, not being Jewish or articulate? Some other time, I'll explain this.]

Harvey is a freelancer and he gets published in various magazines. I've seen his interviews with luminiaries such as Doris Lessing and Edward Said.

It would be wonderful to live in Brooklyn and to meet Harvey for coffee somewhere. I still call him the Lion of East Cambridge.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Magic Touch

I heard the Platters in November, 1966, at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill -- 5,000 students. It was one of the most wonderful moments of my life. I heard them sing all those songs, and not a dry eye in the house. It had to be in North Carolina -- to hear it like that.

Los Angeles

You don't know how much I love Los Angeles. I must be geographically promiscuous. Ask me, "Which do you love the most, California or Texas?" and I will answer, "Yes, very much."

I said promiscuous, not because I believe my affection is cheap, but because other people seem to think that one ought to pick one place above all others. It may be so with a woman, and it is often so with a place to live, but I have been many places, and my heart doesn't settle, but expands.

Tom Waits

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Tom Waits

My last year in high school, I used to skip out and take the "L" to downtown Chicago, down to South State Street where they had burlesque theaters and tawdry used book stores. I could lie my way into the girlie shows and see strippers like you see in this photo of Tom Waits. Afterwards I could pick up pocket novels for 25 cents at the used books stores - good books, mind you, the classics. 1964 -- that was the year.

Tuesday

Tuesday morning in skip week. No one is working, just pretending. No news in the newspaper -- that's good, that means nothing bad has happened, except for the usual, like a meth lab gets busted. Why would anyone do meth?

I think I will write to my friend Harvey Blume tonight. I haven't seen him since 1995, when I lived in Boston. Harvey lives in Brooklyn now. You couldn't pry him off the East Coast.

And I might call Bo Miller in LaConner, in the Skagit Valley, where I used to live. Bo is my very snobbiest friend. This annoys me, but he really can't help it. He treats everybody this way. I get mad at him, then I forgive him. It's been going on for years.

Or I could call Paul Schulte in Cinncinatti. Oh -- that's a good idea. He's one of my old pals from college. It's been a long time.

This blog is undergoing revision in terms of content. I recommend checking it once a week at this point.

I love this week. It's so quiet -- people pretending to work.

I got an excellent 6-inch totally yuppie chef's knife for Christmas, super for chopping vegetables

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Chinese food

Food is interesting. We had Chinese food last night, at the Golden Wok in San Antonio. I shared the meal with Manahara, a concert pianist from Sri Lanka. There was a matter of etiquette when we ordered tea. The waittress brought iced tea. I said, in my most gracious manner, "Yes we are in Texas, but this is a Chinese restaurant, so we would like a pot of hot Chinese tea." [Everybody drinks iced tea in Texas, for those who need an explanation]These things can be negotiated. Manahara, who came to the U.S. when he was 14, is quite skilfull at navigating his way through the dominant culture any place in the country. I asked him how he reconciles his traditional upbringing with modern America. He said he sometimes feels mixed up and some times it is an agony, but for the most part he just deals with it. So it is for all foreigners in Texas. You must first pay homage to the national drink of Texas -- iced tea -- and then ask for what you really want. As long as nobody gets all het up about this, it works.

The food was great. I had pork lo mein, and Manahara had a stir fry. For dessert we had a sweet dimsum covered in sesame with a just-right bean paste inside. It was so good. In fact, it was the highlight of a long day.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Blog problems

I started this blog -- maybe for the wrong reason -- because that's what everybody was doing, that's where people's attention was going. Well-meaning friends encouraged me. They said this is what's going on. On that basis -- a new form of communication -- it was worth a try.

However, my reaction, after writing this blog since August, is that there is not much to it. I don't get much lift from writing it, and I get very little response from people who read it.

My old email newsletter format was clumsy and antiquated, but it fit like a glove for me as a writer, and it struck home with more than a few readers. I could put my heart in it, and reach the hearts and minds of the people who read it. So, I think I will go back to doing that for a while.

I will still make posts here from time to time, but right now my expectations are minimal.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

orange marmalade

I was thinking of cooking some jam, but then....

I drank some gin with ruby red grapefruit juice and laughed too much to do anything else. Holy fucking Jesus Christ -- feels pretty good.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Iraq

I woke up this morning and felt good about the situation in Iraq for the first time. I heard John Burns, a correspondent for the New York Times, and his testimony was sanguine. We're a bunch of smart alecks here in the United States, and Iraq is a very old country, but the outcome might be good. I keep in mind this thought -- optimism dies in the Middle East, but life goes on.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Bok Choy and Tofu

I had a Texas lunch, courtesy of the Christmas party by the local County Extension office -- all good farm boys. They served steak and boiled potatoes and green beans. It was a really good steak too, and I enjoyed the company.

But for dinner, I needed something lighter and greener, so I made myself a good old-fashioned yuppie dinner -- bok choy and tofu. Ah! I turned on a bit of classical music, I'll make some herb tea with honey and all is right with the world. I'm reading -- I've been carrying this set of books around for more than ten years and I'm just now getting to it -- the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Now it's been made into a movie -- The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe -- so I will see that when it comes to Floresville in a week or so.

People are drifting into a holiday mood in town here -- There is less and less work getting done anywhere. I sure don't mind.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Pickled Herring

I bought a jar of pickled herring -- Norwegian soul food, because I was lonesome for the far north country where I did once dwell, and the cold water fjords and the rushing rivers of Puget Sound, the tall trees, the dark nights in winter and longing for the return of the light.

Now I'm in Texas, which I love and embrace, but I still miss what I once had in the Skagit Valley up north.

I've been singing a Swedish song all week (Swedes and Norwegians!) for the feast of Santa Lucia. I had been practicing it, getting good at a proper Swedish accent, and dwelling in the meaning and melody of this traditional Christmas carol on the feast of St. Lucy, Santa Lucia, the fair maiden wearing a wreath lighted candles on her head, bearing the tray of sweet saffron pastries.

I was going to talk about this old custom at Elaine's Christmas party and then sing the song, but I am not quite a performer, so I did not. I'm sure they would have liked it, and I might get another chance, perhaps with a smaller audience, four or five people at most. That I could do. Here's the lyrics:

Natten går tunga fjät
runt gård och stuva.
Kring jord som sol´n förlät,
skuggorna ruva.
Då i vårt mörka hus
stiger med tända ljus
Sancta Lucia, Sancta Lucia.

Natten är stor och stum.
Nu hör det svingar
i alla tysta rum
sus som av vingar.
Se, på vår tröskel står
vitklädd, med ljus i hår
Sancta Lucia, Sancta Lucia.

Mörkret skall flykta snart
ur jordens dalar.
SÃ¥ hon ett underbart
ord till oss talar.
Dagen skall åter ny
stiga ur rosig sky.
Sancta Lucia, Sancta Lucia.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Why I love Africa

By Zodwa Mataka

Why do I love Africa? Because we are all related. Biologically, where ever you are from in Africa, we are related.In Africa if you are from the same house - you are related, from the same village - you are related; from the same country - you are related. Even from the same regional grouping like west, east, north and southern Africa - we are related as long as you are an African we are all related. We refer to each other as brother and sister in Africa. We do not have cousin or nieces - all we have are brothers and sisters. That is why I love Africa - so let us stop killing one another.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

It's not a big river

I was on the river walk tonight in San Antonio. They had Christmas lights dangling from the cypress trees, hanging over the water. Ate a burger, walked on the river promenade, came into the lobby of the Hotel Valencia and sat down on a very swanky couch. Then I went to a Christmas party given for the local media people. It was a good party, but by the time I got there I was all talked out from a busy day of morning meetings, lunch with new friends, a press conference -- I wasn't all that tired, I just didn't want to talk. I don't understand how people can throw a party and get a decent band and then nobody dances -- they just stand around and talk. I hate standing around balancing a drink. I'd rather sit down and get off my feet, or get out on the floor and dance and get some non-verbal action going.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

the flag of Texas

I went to Wal-Mart after work today, to buy art supplies because -- well, the general idea is finding things to do that keep me out of pool halls and taverns -- I wanted to do a project, while sprawled out on the carpet watching TV. So I bought poster boards and a sketchbook and crayons and markers and cheap water colors, and glitter markers too.

My plan, such as I have one, is to make a drawing of the flag of Texas, which I am most strongly attached to --because of its clarity and simplicity. What this flag means is not so clear or simple, but I will discover that -- by living here in Texas, and drawing this flag on the poster board.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Duvet

By Annabelle Hawes, from Vermont, writing about her two youn children.

My children come into my bed in the morning. They press themselves on both sides of me and I breathe in their warmth. Their sighs stretch out and their limbs grow limp when the fall back asleep. I wake them again in time for school and ask about their dreams. Elizabeth often remembers hers, they are elaborate schemes of animals and natural events. Bradley dreams mostly of places we have been and things we have seen, but he doesn't recall the details often. He dreams of monsters sometimes. Elizabeth fears holes. They both believe that there is a certain pink stuffed animal monkey in our household who is responsible for bad dreams and they refuse to have this creature in their rooms. I love to listen to them speak, to hear what is meaningful to them. But that is how we know anyone, isn't it? We then discuss breakfast or the weather or the plans for the day. "It is cold today, Elizabeth you need to wear a sweater." Or,"Bradley you have library today, do you know where your book is?" It's nice (this morning meeting) before we toss back the covers and attend to the day.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Baking Bread again

I baked bread tonight -- four loaves. Rosemary bread, I picked the rosemary on Thanksgiving day and kept the small snips in a glass of water on the counter. I bought a small sack of flour that was half whole wheat and half unbleached white flour -- which is the right balance, I think. I bought three packets of yeast for 99 cents. Yeast is a very special thing, but I still don't like it that it costs so much.

I used three small aluminum loaf pans. I smeared them with olive oil, so they wouldn't stick. I mixed, and then I kneaded and let it rise twice. It was like the old recipe I used to use.

The first time in a new oven -- you know that might be a surprise, but it came in like a hummingbird. I'm just waiting for it to cool so I can have a taste

Cowboy up, Help ain't comin'


This is an attitude. I could explain it -- how to cowboy up, and what it means that help ain't comin' -- but it's better if you simply repeat the saying during quiet moments, and then implement it as a policy. It might have something to do with sleeping under a leaky tree in the rain, or being bug-bit on a hot day, and nowhere near the time or place for a cold beer. This is not confined to experiences in Texas by any means, but those with a decidedly rural character. Getting stuck in traffic doesn't count, unless, if you really want to cowboy up because you are stuck in traffic, you need to pull your vehicle over to the side of the road. You then pull a large ball-peen hammer out of your tool box -- this is not for beginners, you have to have the toolbox -- okay you get the hammer out and fix your vehicle in a manner that will leave it permanently in your past, including everything that got you stuck in traffic in the first place.

Having left the traffic jam, you start walking until you hit daylight. I mean daylight metaphorically, of course. Now your feet are sore and tired, you're thirsty, and finally, a lot of your friends will think you have lost your mind -- but you just keep on walking. Now you're cowboyin' up, and believe me, help ain't comin'

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Motocross

The paper sent me out to the motocross event. I drove two miles down a dirt road to the dirt track.I parked my car and began to walk around. My first reaction was revulsion -- I had landed in redneck heaven. As much as I like Texas, there is a limit. What really bothered me was the dirt itself -- images of my years working in the mud in farm fields and landscape gardens, coming home caked with dirt and soggy jeans. This dirt which I had resolutely left behind in pursuit of my journalistic dreams. I enjoy so very much being clean now, and being clean at work -- and there I was back in the dirt again.

I got over this. I began to speak with people -- all very friendly, of course. There were 4,500 people in attendance, according to the manager -- people from all over the country -- Colorado, Oregon, California. It turns out that little old Floresville is world class in motocross circles for being a good track. And people came from Europe -- I saw a gaggle of Italians wearing funny clothes and heard German accents, and then I fell in with the contingent from New Zealand, lead by Joesphine and her "Mum," as she called her, and her boyfriend, Kevin. Josephine is a flight attendant for Air New Zealand, and loves her bike. She had been to Los Angeles many times in the course of her work, but this was her first trip to Texas. She seemed to like it here quite a bit, except she asked a number of questions about snakes. There are no poisonous snakes in New Zealand -- I could tell that she was fearful. I admitted as such that we have rattlesnake here and they can bite, but fatalities are quite rare, etc. I doubt that this re-assured her. But she was a pretty athelete and I enjoyed talking with her -- certainly fearless on her bike.

She asked me if I had ever ridden a bike. I said no. I didn't want to tell her that my oldest sister died in a motorcycle accident in 1974.

Baking Bread

I keep looking at the oven, in this apartment where I live now.

When I lived in Boston in the early 1990s I was on a major cooking and baking binge. I wrote a cookbook and printed about 30 copies. It was called a "love story with recipes." Being a story without a plot about a man who did a lot of cooking to get over his broken heart (me).

I baked so much bread that my friends and neighbors tired of the gifts of loaves. I threw parties with lots of good food and people liked that. I had a very good bread recipe, half whole wheat and half white flour, modified from the Tassajara bread book and the NY Times organic cook book. I mixed it in a very big heavy ceramic baking dish, which I also used to make casseroles.

It was always basic cooking. I was landscaping for a living and ate huge calorie filled meals.

I was a single father to two teenagers at the time, and cooking was a way to make a home, because I sure wasn't going to make curtains.

That all went away. Years passed. The kids grew up. I married a second time and divorced. I bought a house and lived in it, and then I sold it and moved on. Now I am in this apartment looking at the oven.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I live upstairs from an antique shop.

I live upstairs from an antique shop. I have a very nice apartment. I walk across the street after a day at the newspaper and climb the stairs to my perch. I make tea and sit by the kitchen window, looking out over the rooftop. It can be very pleasant, and I enjoy being alone. My work as a reporter is extremely social. I am talking to people, on the phone or in person, all the day. By the time I get to the apartment, I am ready for solitude.

This year I will be able to buy Christmas presents for my two sisters. They always buy me presents, but I hardly ever buy them anything. Well, I'm a guy -- I don't shop. But now it's so easy -- they have little things in the antique shop that I think my sisters will enjoy having.

Monday, November 21, 2005

The Town Council

We finish the paper on Mondays, then it goes to the printer. I left work at 5 p.m. and walked across the street to my upstairs apartment. I ate crackers and cheese and drank cold apple juice. I rested in the bed for a while, reading Fehrenbach's History of Texas. I read the chapter on the assault and defense of the Alamo. Then I closed my eyes for a while.

I left the apartment to drive 7 miles to a nearby town of 2,000 souls for their monthly town council meeting. I liked it there. Seven men and women sitting around three tables drawn together in an open square facing the audience -- five councilmembers, the mayor, and the clerk. It was a short one-hour meeting, routine business. The police chief reported from the audience -- all was well. The general manager of the electric utility presented his budget in a businesslike way. Bills were paid. An ordinance was approved which banned jake breaks on large trucks passing through town on the busy main road. I made a note to find out just exactly what a jake break was.

I got one good quote. The mayor said they had an unexpected visit from the state department of environmental quality. She said, "It was exciting, in a sewer kind of way."

Boxing champion Jesse James Leija

Jesse James Leija lands a right hook. Leija is a hero in San Antonio. Everybody knows his name. He will be the grand marshal in our Christmas parade. The young girls will scream. The mayor will beam. It will be a night parade, starting at 6 p.m., ending at the courthouse square. Then amidst gathering dignitaries and delightful music, we will ceremoniously switching on the Christmas lights all over the square. The season begins.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Prickly Pear

I'm getting in touch with my inner cowboy. Today, after I wrote my column and did my laundry, I took a drive out in the country. Going south and east from Floresville the country opens up and the farthest edge of San Antonio is left behind. The sky was bigger than heaven and the wind was fresh. I saw the prickly pear by the barbed wire fence, up and down the road. I saw as if for the first time. I wanted to keep driving and never comeback, to buy some acres out there and build a small house, and keep a dog and few tomatoes in pots -- I would just let the brush grow. I would call it Brush Farm.

Do they have owls in Texas? If they do have owls, and if I buy my small plot and build a house, then I will come out late at night and walk toward the pasture and maybe I will see an owl -- or hear its silent wings.

The Alamo

Saturday morning at the Alamo: Being new to San Antonio, and not knowing where exactly to go, I pulled into the nearest parking space and paid $10. There were likely better, cheaper parking places a few blocks away, which I will locate on my next visit downtown.

But I needed to switch gears, coming from quiet, traffic-free Floresville and driving into the big city. I needed to pick up the tempo. I needed to watch carefully while I drove, instead of gazing at cows and trees -- the way I drive in the country. Evidence of a failure to switch gears in San Antonio -- I was looking at a building and I drove through a red light.

I begin my comments on the Alamo with two paragraphs about parking and traffic, simply because that is the first thing one must do when entering a new city -- learn the driving and the parking.

The Alamo is still there. I last saw it in 1986 with Susan, my wife of ten years, and our two children, Eugene and Eva. The Alamo is still there. Never once, in the intervening 19 years did I ever think it would not be there. This is re-assuring.

My feelings would have been stirred by this passage of time, this re-visit to a beautiful and meaningful landmark, except I was too busy taking photographs of dignitaries and dancers -- the event that the newspaper assigned me to cover. But I will conclude -- the Alamo is still there.

Later I visited the San Antonio Botanical Gardens -- a complete disappointment, scraggly flowers and unswept paths. In order to re-assure myself that Texans can indeed maintain a good garden, I drove to the affluent Alamo Heights neighborhood and saw some very fine gardens.

Today, Sunday, I am back in Floresville, having a good rest.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Roast Chicken


The weekend begins after a good week. This is the first day that I am not exhausted from work. I nailed the real estate story. The emergency room story is quite good too.

I'm fixing dinner and I feel quite fine. Two days ago I cooked a nice and large pasta dish. I had hot leftovers for lunch for the next two days, but now I put the rest in the freezer. Tonight I will cook a cauliflower, and also make bacon and eggs -- scrambled eggs with a bit of chopped green onions. I am not a great meat eater, but I love bacon, and I must only buy one-half pound at a time, or else I will eat it at once.

Lately I've been thinking of ice cream. I haven't had any for almost a month. I would have bought some right after work, but the supermarket is too crowded at that time. So I stopped at the quick stop and got a candy bar instead.

Gonna roast a chicken too.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

No Talking

I would like to meet a woman who is quiet, like Holly Hunter in the Piano. She was fierce and terrible in getting what she wanted. Yes, but I would do anything she wanted, because she was quiet.

Fig Balsamic


Fig Balsamic

(This was sent in by a woman from Oregon. She asked me to withhold her name, but she sent me an email about the terror in her life now.)

I forgot to eat tonight. I just made a salad with goat cheese and walnuts, and then poured myself a glass of wine. It was from a bottle that had been rattling around the back of my car since I took it to the beach and forgot to open it. (How rude that was.) I drink too seldom lately, a half a glass and my skin is warm.

I exercised twice today. Movement is comforting.

There is gossip again. Who can blame them? Their days are empty. The trick is a preemptive and well-placed story. I am surprised how easy this game is to play. And of course we all know it doesn't matter. But I am not unkind, so they want to believe the best. I am fortunate to be liked, I have seen women reduced to tears in preschool halls, their children left out of parties for nothing more than neglecting to return a phone call. I wasn't meant for this life, it itches my neck and wrists like a woolen sweater.

I want to go fast, to fly down a hill of snow, skiing, my eyes watering from the wind. Or perhaps I can find speed on a cycle or a car with no top and a long desperate ribbon of road. I crave so many sensations lately.

I paint but never keep my paintings.

What would I do if I were not afraid?

I will not be afraid of what comes next.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Prom Queen



(Frog Hospital accepts submission from talented and interesting writers -- so far it's been all women -- so, c'mon you guys!)

By Judith Beckman

I was prom queen. (Don't vomit.) It was an accident, I didn't mean to be. I thought the whole time that it was just a joke and that they had elected me out of pity. There's a Tiara in the attic and a dress. Samantha talked me into getting them down in hopes of borrowing them for her upcoming birthday party.

The tiara is wobbly, I must have placed something heavy on it. (Yearbooks?) Strapless yellow silk, the dress is too sweet.
I must have worn a corsage. The boys favored the kind that pinned on so they had an excuse to feel our boobs while our parents snapped pictures. I had the same boyfriend throughout highschool so he had a bit of experience with mine. But still I don't think he would have missed a chance. That night he had plans to advance our pre-sex experience a bit and we tumbled about at the beach for a while. The grunion were running. Silver and scared they spawned on the sand. Their presence both enthralled and frightened me. Poor Bob, I wonder if he has ever had to endure three years of foreplay since.

I had dinner with a friend from highschool a few days ago. It seems like it has been a million years ago and yet we laughed like it had been a month. He said I looked the same, and I accepted his lie graciously. He poured blood orange martinis in my glass (they were served up) either enjoying the silver shaker or hoping to get me drunk enough to tell stories.

In highschool I was good. Too good. This same guy, the one with the cocktail shaker, once offered to pay me five dollars if I would say to him the f-word. It took me all day, but just before going home I whispered it in his ear, "fuck". It was the first time I ever said it.

I have always been fun to corrupt.

In the Poconos



President George Bush spoke at the Tobyhanna Army Depot in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania on Veterans Day, defending his war policy. It was a good speech. I just listened to it.

Tonight, I went shopping and spent $50 for food. This was at 8:30 pm, then I drove over to Roper's, the country night club here in Floresville. I thought it might be fun to try line dancing with the cowboys, but it was Mexican night, with a $15 cover charge to hear Los Desperados, a band I don't know anything about. I was only prepared for $5 and a beer, so I came home.

I have just eaten my second piece of pumpkin pie. That's it -- no more. But I bet I eat two more pieces of pie for breakfast. I love it so much. I'm drinking a fine glass of red wine, from a vineyard called Ste. Genevieve out by Fort Stockton, a variety called Texas Red, costing $3.75 -- it's good table wine, actually. Things don't cost much in Texas.

I was listening to the Basketball game on the radio, but it ended and the Spurs ( San Antonio team in the NBA) lost.

But the photo is from the Poconos. It just so happens that my ex-wife lives in Tobyhanna, Pennsylvania -- in the Poconos, a very pretty place.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Facts

I was building facts at the newspaper this week. They have to be plumb and square and true. If you build your facts strong, they will last a long time. They won't move. You can walk away, come back years later, and those same facts will be there, like diamonds or granite.

I built a lot of facts this week at the newspaper. Some were off kilter or out of focus -- I had to through them back into the sea of information. Information, data, the world is awash with it, meaningless, worthless, formless. But facts! Facts are worth something. They mean something. They are sturdy and reliable. You can build with facts. You can get paid for making facts. It's good work.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I Can't Get a Date



"I Can't Get a Date"


By Hannah Silverman


I am tired tonight and yet so awake.

I realize I have needed other people's exhaustion to make me stop. Otherwise I keep going.

If you were the type to require rest, I would lay down beside you, my head on your shoulder, I might trace your clavicle with my finger. Or I would mimic your breath. It is deep and slow. Until my lungs can hold as much air as yours,you will lead this waltz, unknowing. It isn't easy for me, yours are much larger and I want to gasp for breath. But eventually I lose track of myself in the momentum.

And there is morning your hand on my thigh or lips on my breast and we are both again awake.

Monday, November 07, 2005

I am spinning



By Annabelle Hawes

"I am spinning. With centrifugal force I am twirling and all of the crap, the stuff that doesn't matter is flinging out of my life."

A girlfriend said to me last week, "I am afraid that you are spiraling down. And once you are down you will never get back up." She looked so worried and then she said what they all say, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't love you."

I think what she meant was I'll never be a suburban housewife again. She imagined I would snap another man into the place that Matthew once held -- as if they were interchangible. The wives hoped that some other husband might come and sleep with me and go to pick apples on sunny Autumn weekends. He might take me to Vermont for the weekend, or want to talk with me after dinner. Perhaps he would even share the remote, or laugh at a joke from time to time. No matter, to the other housewives, they are all the same. They would have welcomed him.

A bit irritating at times, husbands all have their bad habits. One has gas, another leaves his laundry on the floor. The wives complain about the husbands wanting sex as if they are asking them to wax the car. On weekends they get dressed and go to dinner and meet with friends. They can even be amusing for an hour or two assuming there was a bottle of wine and dinner wasn't deplorable. On Saturday mornings there is working in the garden, and watching the kids play soccer, there is a drip in the bathroom sink and new sheets are needed for the upstairs guest room. There are Sunday muffins and a coffee pot that leaks and a paper with the book section. Before you know it the weekend is over. Marriage is really only about 24 hours a week if you are a wife in Connecticut. So any man, assuming he is employed and discreet, is as good as another.

What the women don't know and what the wives choose to forget, is that men are not as good at numbing themselves as we are. They continue to live, to think and to feel. And they wonder what happened to us and if we really care what color the powder room is painted.

If I am spiraling, it is not down.

They knew that I was bored. When I went to the meetings at the New Haven Garden Club it was all I could do not to scream as we voted on what color napkins to have at our luncheon or which coffee cake we would all make for the bake sale. I might have complied. I might have baked my coffee cake and taken my xanex and closed my mouth and my mind. If I had done that he would have loved me. No... he never would have loved me.

I am not spiraling. I am spinning. With centrifugal force I am twirling and all of the crap, the stuff that doesn't matter is flinging out of my life. Be careful girls, you might be hit by an unnecessary spatula or broom or a pair of leather gloves.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Floresvillle, Texas



This is the Wilson County Courthouse -- built on or about 1884. Floresville is the county seat for Wilson County. Floresville has 6,000 people and it's 30 miles to the southeast of San Antonio. Wilson County has 30,000 people altogether.

The landscape is pleasant, green and treed with country oaks that spread wide. The feeling is spaciousness and quiet. Such a luxury to have so much room. The grass is green by the roadside, yet several local people told me how badly they wish it would rain -- that it hasn't rained in three months. The almanac gives Wilson County 28 inches of rain every year -- but that's average, and it's typical in Texas to have too much rain followed by too little rain.

I got here, to Floresville, two days ago. I moved into an apartment across the street from the newspaper office, and upstairs from an empty store. It is a very pleasant place to live. This Sunday morning it was as peaceful as the dawn. I went for a jog down the old railroad right-of-way and worked up a sweat.

This afternoon I'm going to Wal-Mart to buy an iron. I need to press my clothes because I'm beginning work tomorrow. I wish I could find another place to buy an iron. I drove around yesterday looking for a second-hand iron at a thrift store, but with no luck. So I have to go to Wal-Mart.